When I Have Time…

I opened an email this morning from someone that wrote that she “had some extra time before she had to head to work” and decided to drop me a line. I looked down at my wrinkled pajamas and put a hand to my disheveled hair. If I had the time to find myself up, dressed, and sipping my coffee before the morning news came on and I was ready to start the day without rushing, it means I wouldn’t have a cheek sticky from syrup to wipe clean before depositing a good-bye kiss. It means I wouldn’t have a warm and snuggly baby to peek on and time the seconds between his sweet, short breaths as he sleeps. It means I wouldn’t have given a reassuring hug to my middle schooler as she braces for a big test that day. It means I wouldn’t be telling my eight year old not to worry – if his stomach ache doesn’t pass, I’ll drive him to school later and he can sip on soda to ease the discomfort until then; maybe we could even squeeze in some morning cartoons! This was the morning I had. I reflected on the days when I would be sharp, alert and chic before stepping in heels out of the door to get a head start on the commute. I can’t say I don’t think fondly of those days, but I am afraid of how much I will miss these tender, if messy, moments with these four little people who will one day grow up, move out and give me back all the “time” I could possibly want… and probably more than I will ever need. When I have ‘time’ again, I will most surely wish to spend it doing the things that I did today, and there will be no way to get that chance. So I will snuggle a little deeper into my couch cushion and brace against that thief known as time who will stealthfully steal me of these precious moments leaving in its wake all the emptiness that comes with having ‘time.’

Comments

  1. I love this post – Renee! I’m experiencing a similar life right now – four kiddos and…well, let’s say that I don’t always feel like I’m at my prime. But the surge of happiness I get when I am able to see my children accomplish something, or when I see my baby smile, or when my two-year-old says something hilarious (which is often) more than makes up for any “sacrifices” I’ve made…

    One day, I’ll be “put together” again…One day, I’ll go shopping, look chic, and NOT have spit-up or some kind of sticky substance on me. For now, though, it is important to cherish these moments because they don’t last long.

    Thanks for the reminder! I needed it!!! :)
    -catania

  2. Bonnie Karwat says:

    Wow—you really said that beautifully. I agree with everything you mentioned, and as your mother, I couldn’t be more proud! I can’t think of any better way for you to spend your precious time right now. Just like you and your sister, your babes will grow up all too quickly. I am thrilled you are enjoying all the benefits of being there for them.

    Love and kisses to all of you,

    Mom

  3. You really summed it up… me-time is great, but you can’t beat those precious moments with your children!

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